Toasting The Holidays

© Mark Betcher

The Holidays are here again
It's time to spend and spend and spend
The Holidays are here again
The economy in on the mend
And I think I'll start drinking again

I put up a plastic tree
A few lights flicker out
It is imported from overseas
The Chinese didn't build this one too stout
And I think this crap should be free

The kids are counting down days
Naughty or nice it's all good
There is no longer a Christmas play
The government banned what they could
And I think I must watch what I say

It's the spirit for goodness sake
The holidays are but once a year
My company gave me a fruit cake
I want to shove it up their rear
I can just re-gift this dumb cake

The morning is upon us
The childern come screaming in
They open their presents and cuss
This tie is not a tonic and gin
Damn it why make all this fuss

I'm wearing a Santa hat
Sitting on crumpled gift wrap
Holiday dinner makes me fat
My dog is a sleep on my lap
At least I like to thank God for that

Oh joy the after Christmas sales
One card declined... try another
I don't care if the banks all fail
Marked down gifts for my mother
Here comes my welfare check in the mail

The Holidays are here again
It's time to spend and spend and spend
The Holidays are here again
The economy in on the mend
And I think I'll start drinking again